Do you ever hear the words rumbling in your head – along with a compromised feeling within, that says – “I’m not good enough”?
Working with groups and individuals for years, these 4 words and what they mean to us, seem to be a common denominator that somehow many and most of us believe.
Want to go for your dreams, reach your highest potential, and change the world? Do you truly believe you can, or does your mind kick in with telling you you’re not good enough? Or both perhaps?
I relate! And though identifying that voice within myself, and then seeing how universal it is with people I work with (almost without exception) and loved ones, I learn that this common belief is only true to the degree I believe it. If I don’t question it, and ultimately face and feel these feeling, I feel powerless, impotent, and my head can drive me crazy hear with all kinds of negative self-talk. The worst is the self-betrayal of indulging it. Because in my gut I know what I’m capable of. So maddening.
Where does this low self-worth voice come from? Did you feel seen, heard, held and supported as a child – consistently? Though many of us had great parents with good intentions, often their own unresolved self-worth issues prevented them from truly showing up for us with consistency. As did their parents, and their parents, and on and on it goes… until someone in the family questions if this “I’m not good enough” story is actually true.
Finding out its only true if we believe it really helps. Do you believe your head when it’s talking shit about you? Is it true? Or is it old low-self worth tapes playing over and over again like a broken record?
If I choose to belief it (by not questioning it), reinforce it (by dwelling in it), don’t find out what I’m capable of (by self-inquiring) – I just suffer in a pit of self-despair that goes no where.
When I feel myself triggered and about to react and repeat those 4 words unconsciously, here’s what I do my best to do instead:
1. notice as soon as I feel triggered… if I don’t catch myself – I could very well project it onto someone else, react, and it only escalates. Then I believe those 4 words when I don’t make a different choice.
2. watch my mind…. I witness how I may want to blame someone else, feel blamed or wronged, and essentially dwell on feelings of low-self worth, that by the way, feel utterly crushing.
3. question my feelings… just because I feel it doesn’t make it the only reality available! Working through the hurt of my little child inside, and what’s true to me/and may need to be addressed with another, helps. Being quite, still, and neutral I get clear. So I take space and silence first, then respond instead of react (best I can!).
4. take responsibility… for my own feelings. I know its not about anyone else truly, its about whats being touched inside of me.
5. inner child inquiry… sitting still with the little girl me inside, I hear her pains and memories of feeling dominated, controlled, and feeling oppressed. I’m learning to hold her. Listen, allow, feel. Instead of unconsciously acting out from my inner 6 year old.
6. Momma my little one… being my own parent, holding the hurt of the little one within, I can take care of her – and ultimately find such comfort in giving myself what I didn’t get as a child… that weaved the cob web of “I’m not good enough.”
From this place, I still hear those 4 “dirty” words at times, and I still feel scared facing what I really want – and going for the success I know I’m capable of… though now I’m going for it without “manning up”, going into overdrive and burning out, proofing, etc.
Now its up to me whether I live a life of true healthy self-worth and success, rather than a story that unconsciously commits me to that old not good enough stuff.
Holding the inner little one, not only takes care of me on a core level, though matures me to experience healthier relationships – and shows me I can do anything really. It heals low self-worth stuff, and prepares me to have absolutely no excuse to live in success, abundance, and purpose. It unhitches what puts my dreams on hold.
May we question where our true self-worth comes from, and go for it fully… keeping in mind the old saying “whether you think you can or can’t – you’re right.”
My love to you.