Break Through

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hi amy,

i woke up today feeling much better – the power of anicha – remembering this shall pass too was very obvious to me when i woke up. then as i thought about what i wrote, i realized that i can find strength in the group. i called heather and told her about my experience and we talked about how we need the energy of another person to do our work. how sometimes we can’t do it on our own – by just having someone there with us helps us do the work. i feel so removed from love when i’m by myself in my apartment; my family  is miles away facing a massive hurricane and all i can do is call them – it’s been very difficult to not be near them, especially during times like this. to be around unconditional love is what i’m really craving.

***How great you realize what you’re really craving… not knowing that the night before and feeling disconnected is probably what lead to the cookie indulgence.  Now you know that unconditional love – primarily for yourself – is what you are really wanting.  It could be that you indulge certain experiences to help show you where you’re not unconditionally loving yourself… and when you reach out to others you receive that uncondtional love and learn how to hold that for yourself. May you remember this anytime you sleep into this place.  How about writing yourself a note that says:  “What you’re really craving is unconditional love.  Love yourself unconditionally.  And remember to reach out”.

so i need to just schedule some “group time” and feed of the energy of someone else to face this. i read once god speaks to us through people, so by thinking i can tackle this on my own, with all the time in the world, it’s not going to happen for me right now. i need to harness the energy of another being on the path and together we can find the strength to do the work.

***Exactly.  Good for you.  Its all around you.  I’m her for you, the group is here for you, your meetings, its everywhere – its a matter of utilizing what you have rather than disconnecting from it… then wondering why you’re feeling lonely and sad.

i love it when my cleaning lady is here bc together we can get my apt sparkling in a few hours. alone, i never dust or really clean out my place thoroughly. but i like her companionship and it gets me to clean too! i’m going to go to my sponsor’s place and work on my 4th step today which is a mental house cleaning! wow – the connection is so obvious!

***Way to dig in!!!

this morning, in my meditation i realized what is so exciting about this new person in my life: he too is on a path of excellence and it is so attractive. since he doesn’t look like a drop dead gorgeous model, it’s been a slower for me to really be attracted to him. i usually go for younger guys, but his wisdom and hard work he’s done in the aa program is so powerful, i’m very attracted to it. i realized, i’m attracted to his soul, his higher self. and when i look beyond the physical and his appearance, i can see a beautiful person – and that’s what a soul mate is.

***Yes, its when both of your higher selves meet and join on that level as one – this is the most attractive thing ever…. its the greatest aphrodisiac ever!

OMG – wow that is amazing. we’re going on a date tonight and i told him i would ride his motorcycle!! since i broke my knee on one when i was 17 i don’t get on them, so the first 2 times we’ve seen ea other, i told him i didn’t want to get on it. but it’s a trust thing. i really like the fact he has one, it’s super sexy – and i really do want to ride it, but i still have that residual feeling of the accident. since we’re not going far, i’m thinking about riding it! AHH i’ll let you if i do!!

***Beautiful!  Sounds like this could be very healing on many levels.  Its a bit daunting and scary to open up and trust. Yet I don’t think its possible to do this unless we explore all the wounds that keep us from it.

so excited to speak to you tonight, finally!!!

***Me too. Great connecting with you tonight.  Stay close darlin… my love and support is here for you.

Much Love, Amy 

Thanks, Amy. I am sure that I have felt a bit far of late. Was away with family for a few days and visiting a friend who just had a baby. Then got and was very immersed in work as I had a big training event that I had to prepare for this past Wednesday. It went so well; could not have asked for more. Now I am taking a little time to regroup and give myself some space. Noticed a lot of overeating and indulging while I was so busy; held it in awareness. Turning my attention back to more of the practices, but find that the balancing of all parts, even when super busy, is a challenge. Fortunately, I have my whole life to grapple with all of this. Still searching for answers to home and work conundrums; again, lessening some of the pressure I put on myself to make it all right now. Had a beautiful day off yesterday. Enjoyed lunch with some friends and then found myself able to amble the streets of NYC which I have not done in some time. Got some ice cream at Pure which I thought would be a nice treat. There was no obsession in wanting it but when I did some reflection on it, I realized that it was really just a desire to feel connected not only to source, but also to a deeper community. Part of it was coming off of a day where I had organized this wonderful event, bringing together all the yoga teachers that will be working in the hospital with me with all the people involved in training them. I was using the ice cream to fill the feelings of lack, to pick me up after the crash. Lessons learned. Today I feel slow and open. I gave myself sleep which felt nice. Was easy to sit this morning affirming my intentions and then sitting with trust of their eventual manifestation. I look forward to talking to you Sunday. Much love

***Hi Love,

I get the sense that even though you may find yourself in old patterns at times that seek your attention – you are aware and comfortable with it… it feels good that you’ve taken the pressure of yourself and much more self acceptance is present.  This is key.  We find ourselves at times in places and positions that clearly need our focus – to be available for that call seems to be what you’re coming round to more and more so that core issues like home and work are getting addressed – rather than negated and therefore running a program of anxiety and dissatisfaction…

the fact that you’re slowing down in places, taking accounting, returning to practices shows that you are working through, and making space for the foundational issues that require your presence.  May you continue to make space for this as you deepen the self acceptance of where you are right now.  Yes, truly we have our entire lives to life the process – knowing when our attention is being called for specific matters is the difference between self acceptance and feeling fine with our self growth – and not.

Much Love, Amy

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