Day 30 of Fast

Day 30 of cleanse.  I no longer call it a fast, since I feel so very integrated into this quite light feeding of the past month – that is shifting and morphing me into a deeper sense of what’s really going on inside of me, beyond my usual busyness.  I feel so alive, invigorated, strong, clear, SOOOO much more energy – I plan on going where it takes me, without a plan for “finishing” or “stopping” – rather, I’m following my body each day (and events of life), with a surrendered ease that feels so very natural, and good.  Teaching a raw food class over the weekend, I tasted all the recipes – and could feel the old urge to compulsively eat more, oh so tasty it is.  Yet, more alive in me than the taste sensation, is how food feels in my body.  At this point, solid food just plain makes me instantly feel tired – and would quickly lead to feeling heavy if I didn’t listen to that voice inside that says nothing more than “stop.”  Familiar is that voice, yet it’s typically on low when I’m not in a conscious cleansing period.  Right now that voice is so very audible, clear, and to the point, to deny it – and the accompanying instant full feeling I feel eating 2 bites – would feel so very numbing and so against what my body really wants.  All it wants is liquid, and lots of it.  4 liters of green juice each day, a few liters of lemon water, a few liters of watermelon maybe – and alternatively maybe some turmeric lemonade and noni and herbal tea.  Easy… especially since here in Bali, the wonderful ladies in my kitchen make it all for me, while my team and I work on our next retreat and getting our place ready.  They don’t quite understand why I’m not eating, and seem a bit worried – especially since they say they fade if they don’t eat 3 times per day… and they ask me why I’ve only lost 3 kilos.  I explain to them that after you go through the initial period of passing a great degree of toxins through your system – so long as you started with a strong mineral bank (i.e. you’ve been eating raw for years already and fasting)… you don’t really need so much solid nutrition anymore, and you don’t lose so much weight anymore as an advanced cleanser.  It’s rewarding to see them respond with such enthusiasm… nice energy around our house.  Ah so love it.  Am I tempted by food?  Not at all. And if I really want something I taste a bite.  Feel its affects in my body.  Listen.  And so far, my body has asked me to stop after 2 bites – on the few days I’ve tried something.  So it is.  Until my body is really asking for food, I know it isn’t finished cleansing. I feel so surrendered to not eating –  if that’s a few more days, years, or lifetimes – all good, feeling this good doesn’t compare to taste sensations that my body doesn’t really like.  My mind has never been this surrendered on a cleanse.   And emotionally, I just simply feel so much more balanced, quite inside, at peace, and in general content – with a sense of  simplicity that brings me a silent joy and ease.  So much different than when I started a month ago with creaky joints, an achy body, dark circles under my eyes, and feeling quite emotional.  I feel so happy just to be, to be free of wanting and needing, and thinking about food – and it turns out I don’t really need it after all.  And the sense of freedom that gives me just makes me a nicer person… oh also, my intuition is increasingly sharpening.  Trusting this greater perceptability, the depth of inner connection, and the quite inside makes it clear to me that until my body really really asks for food, I’m doing just what it needs.  Maybe this is what being present has to do with… and discovering a deeper sense of who I really am, beyond looking externally for satisfaction in food, people, places, and things.  That doesn’t mean I don’t feel the need for others, on the contrary… I actually feel like I have so much more to share, from very different place inside.  

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