Day 19 of fast

Can I even call it a fast anymore?  It just feels like a way of being that reminds me of being a child again – my natural, normal state that brings a lightness to my step, and an uplifted sense of well being, goodness, calmness, and ease – all is good – kind of like a return to innocence of sorts. I almost forgot.  I wonder why I would ever really go back to eating… at this point, after so many years raw and fasting my body has rebuilt to the time of my early 20’s which makes the necessity for food almost seem redundant – and even destructive – when I eat outside my body’s true desire.  In my mid-40’s now, my body can handle the odd roller coaster of emotions that have historically led to self-sabotage (that sometimes still resurfaces) – yet I’m ever learning to navigate these tulmutous waters with self-care and love instead.  I’m not attached or motivated by living up to a “leader” label or anything other than just being a fellow human honestly finding their way, and inspired to connect and share.  The deeper I go into fasting, and feeling so tremendously free from high’s and low’s, cravings, obsessing with food, wanting, etc… the more I realize its not about food at all – of course.  This lightening up is showing me a greater degree of self-understanding, and an expanded empathy that is fine with just simply feeling – all of it.  Maybe I’ve been avoiding TRULY feeling the utter depths, and filling it with food all these years (even being raw) instead?  It makes it clear the longer I “fast” – or drink lots of juice everyday (and maybe take a small amount of blended veggies, or a few bites of salad here and there – especially on the beginning days when I was detoxing intensely) – I really don’t need anything. In this place of peaceful ease, I’m so very satisfied and content, to just be.  I’m reminded that without the all-consuming compulsion of food on my mind – this steady and consistent peace is always available to me – and it’s so much more important and nourishing than really anything else.  I’m also reminded how food and substances can never replace what its really all about – what I’ve always longed for – and this love inside isn’t necessarily fed by food.

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